Scars
by rglosch
Summary: AH OOC Bella has been through so much, watching a brother die messes you up a bit.We all know she can never out run her scars.They will always be there haunting her. Can one of the guys bring her out of the darkness though? Name change was Shipped Off. I have edited/redone almost all chapters.
1. shipped off

_**I have decided to come back to this story and hopefully make it better because lets be honest it sucked before, I hope it's better this time around reviews would be great.**_

"It will be good for you to stay with your father Bella." My mother was such a sweet woman. A few years ago I looked just like her, brown wavy hair, thin but toned bodies, big brown doe eyes and a carefree attitude.

Things were very different for me now, I am nothing like the sweet innocent girl my mother tried so hard to cling to, part of me feels pretty bad about it too. I was off at all hours and doing things I knew I were stupid and wrong but I had to, it's part of growing up right? You rebel, smoke a little drink a lot and your window sees more action than it ever has before.

Before I met my friends I was a shy timid girl who faded into the background, the one that no one remembers. Most of the time in school I was simply looked over like I wasn't even there till I met Angela that it. She was exotic and fun, she was wild and crazy, all things I never thought I could be. She had three colors in her hair, a piercing in her lip and an a problem with teachers, parents, anyone that thought they had power over her.

Angela brought me into her little group one night, none of them even questioned it and suddenly I had three amazing best friends when before the best I could say was I had people to study with. They just started talking to me all the time and the first time they asked me to hang out I was beyond surprised I thought they had just felt bad for me, but eventually they had just taken me into their little group and honestly I felt like I fit perfectly.

But we got into a little too much trouble one night. So now my mom was saying it would be good to spend time with my dad. Translation: I can't handle you so I'm shipping you to your fathers. From her point of view I kind of got it, I had turned into a new person and she wasn't taking it well and I was paying the price for it.

"You didn't tell him why…did you?" I could not live there with my father the police chief, letting him think about me as some horrible trouble maker. He would never let me leave the house if he knew what happened. The things that happened that night were not my fault. Actually I didn't get into trouble, not really, but it scared my mom so I had to go. Zeke did though, thankfully his parents didn't really give a fuck, they paid the lawyer bills and washed their hands of him again.

"No sweetie, I didn't tell him. I know you don't want to but I just know it will be good for you there." She sounded so sure of this like that stupid god forsaken town could help me. I would do this, but only because I love my mother and I didn't want to make this even harder on her. Besides her and Phil need some alone time if you know what I mean.

"Okay then, I will go." She smiled and hugged me.

"Your plane leaves tomorrow at noon." She knew I would say yes. Just because I changed a lot doesn't mean I stopped caring about my mother and stopped putting her first. I always have. She was one of those people that had to be taken care of, she was always losing everything, forgetting to buy groceries, eating out because she couldn't cook and all around being her hair brained childish self.

"I'm going to go call the gang." She nodded and I headed upstairs. No one else was really on lock down as bad as me though Zeke was the only one who's parents didn't pay any mind to the incident.

"Hey bitch." Angela said as she answered the phone.

"I have bad news." Angela immediately started dialing the three others that made up or little group.

"What up Izz?" Zeke was the hot bad boy of our little group. He was tall 6"3' and damn well built, and to top it all off he was a drummer, every girls wet dream.

He did anything for his friends no matter what it cost him. Like this time it cost him getting a record for saving my ass. I would always owe him for it to. His hair always fell into his eyes hiding any emotion that crossed them. Hi eyes were the only part of him that would give away an emotion. Otherwise he could easily hide it, from anyone but me.

"Why are we on the phone? Oh wait we are all grounded Thanks to _Bella_." Bridget said my name like it was something fowl. She wasn't really in our group, she just kind of hung around even when she wasn't wanted. Really the guys tolerated her because she stalked them and if we let her hang out sometimes she would lay off

"Shut the hell. You didn't have to be there." My voice was just as bitchy and mean as hers, probably more so.

"Oi!" Ah Jason my lovely "brother". He wasn't really my brother but we looked a lot alike and acted like we had grown up together. He was tall but not as tall as Zeke only 6". His hair was died like mine but obviously shorter, it was all shaggy and untamable. It worked for him though.

"Leave my sister alone. She's right you didn't have to be there." Jason always stuck up for me, even if I don't need it."

"Well I wanted to be with my friends. I like getting to know Zeke better." She attempted to purr the last part in a sexy way, sounded more like a dying cat to me.

"Oh bitch please, Zeke wouldn't try to get to know you better if fucking you was his last chance at survival, he'd go to Jason before you and your nasty diseases." Angela busted out laughing and when Bridget tried to answer cut her off.

"Well that was fun. Let's not do it again." Zeke was trying to be the nice guy but was laughing too hard. Bridget just hung up in a hugh.

"So what is your bad news Izz?" Jason's tone became serious.

" I'm moving, to Forks, Washington to live with my dad. My mom asked me to. My plane leaves tomorrow at noon." My voice was cracking by the end. What was I going to do without my best friends?

"What? Why?" Angela was sounding sad and frantic.

"She says it will be good for me to spend time with my dad. Really she just wants me away from here. I promise to come back and visit when I can. Maybe you guys can come see me to sometimes." I knew I wasn't hiding the sadness in my voice but there wasn't much reason to.

"We love you!" all three of them yelled together.

"I love you guys to. I don't know how I am going to survive without you. I refuse to just fade into the background like I did before you though. I'm going to show this small ass town what I'm made of." I was trying to make it sound not so bad. I wasn't fooling anyone. I was moving across the freaking country for Christ's sake.

"Oh sweetie we will miss you so much." Zeke sounded ready to cry. That boy never and I man never cried. Not even when they found his dad.

"I want to talk to you all individually I'll call you all separately. Then I have to go to sleep." They said ok and Angela got to stay first.

"You I'll be fine there Izz. You always are. You're a big girl, you can handle yourself. Just remember to call us and email and text every chance you get. I can't have you finding a new best friend." Angela's voice cracked about 8 times in her tiny speech. I had only been friends with these guys 2 years and they cared about me this much.

"I could never fine a new best friend. Or any friends as good as you guys. It would be impossible. We have two years. Junior year starts in a week. After senior year we can go off to collage together just the four of us. Together like it should be. And I will be calling and texting and emailing all the time. You guys are my support group. I love you Angela." I was full out crying now.

"I love you too." The line went dead like she couldn't say anything more. Probably couldn't, she was always bad with emotional crap. We all were we all had our own reasons. Its part of why we are so close, why we cling together like we do.

"Hey." Jason's voice sounded sad and distant.

"Hi." My voice was no better. There was no hiding my feelings from Jason.

"I love you and I will miss you. That's all I can say or I will cry and you know how I hate that." It's true he really did despise crying, with a passion, it was like showing he was weak in his mind.

"Sounds good to me, I love you to and ill talk to you all the time." We hung up. That was…short. I expected it though. We may be siblings but that doesn't mean we were emotional all the time.

Now for Zeke, my hardest call. He was always there to protect me and now I had to leave him behind.

"I love you. I hope to see you guys soon. I miss you already and I hate leaving you guys. Don't forget me." I had to get it out fast with Zeke. I knew he wouldn't want to talk much at all.

"Take care of yourself Bella. I could never forget you." That's all Zeke said whispering the last part an hanging up. I knew it had double meaning. I never wanted to see it. I ignored it now. I would handle that situation just not now.

I lay in my bed, thinking about all the things I have done with my friends, how much I am going to miss them. It was going to be hard not being with them all the time. Then again nothing was easy. I would deal. I would take my two years in silence. Make everyone happy then go to college and be with my friends.

"Bella honey, wake up. It's 10. You have to get ready to go." She left the room leaving me to wake up slowly.

I slowly mad my way to my bathroom. I took my shower, washing away the bad dreams. Normally I would stay in the shower till the water ran cold but today I was on a time crunch. I made my way over to my dresser picking up the clothes I planned on wearing today, nothing to special. None of my normal stuff, just a plane baseball tee with black sleeves, my favorite beat up jeans and converse.

bellas_oufit_when_she_leaves/set?id=18270806

"Lets roll!" my mom yelled up the stairs

I didn't talk when I got into the car. I had one suit case with me. The rest if my stuff was being shipped to my dad's. My mom knew I was sulking. She tried to start a conversation a couple times and eventually gave up. Really I just wanted to wallow in self pity.

The air port was slow and boring. My plain was delayed two hours. The ride was short and uneventful. I blasted music and finished City of bonesfor the third or fourth time.

Now I had to try and find Charlie in this mess of people. Oh great. I haven't seen the man in four years and I was expected to find him. This was going to be impo- I was cut off by someone awkwardly touching my shoulder. The man was a little taller than me, brown hair brown eyes, Charlie. I didn't even realize I had done it but I hugged him like I was a little girl. I missed my daddy.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here. Oh god I'm already going crazy. Maybe insanity won't be bad either.

_**Pretty please review!**_

_**And I have yet to decide who she ends up with…maybe Zeke or Jasper….one of them. Tell me what you think is a good idea!**_

_**-short supply**_


	2. im back

_**I am ging to write a chapter everyday during the week. Weekends I can't promise. I ope you like this story. Review!**_

_**Please ignore such promises. Sorry.**_

Can you say awkward, I can. Riding with Charlie was like being alone, alone in an awkward silence with yourself. I hadn't seen the man in a long time, yet we have absolutely nothing to say to one another. That is just messed up, though I have never been much of a talker either but you would think he would have something to say to the daughter he hasn't seen for more than a week at a time in the past four years.

"So how is Billy?" Billy was a safe subject, I knew him and he was Charlie's best friend

"Still in the wheel chair from the accident, other than that just fine." Billy had been in a car accident with his wife the last time I was here. Billy became paralyzed from the waist down. Amy his wife and Jacob's mom died. Jacob wasn't really the same after that, can't really blame him though. That shit will fuck you up.

"Is Jake any better?" he was crushed when his mom died. He had been merely 12 when he lost his mom. It would be hard for an adult to get through that let alone a kid, who on top of that had to take care of his now paralyzed father.

"A lot better from when you saw him. Actually we are going to go see them today, if that's ok with you." He sounded like he wasn't sure, like he didn't know what to do or say when it came to me. Knowing my father he didn't.

"That'll be great dad. Just let me change." He nodded and pulled up to our house, it was small two bedroom 2 bathrooms; it did have a full basement though.

"Give me ten minutes." I ran up the stairs and threw my suit case on the bed, pulled out clothes and yanked them on. I think I was actually excited for seeing Jacob again, he had always been a bright spot in having to come here.

I had grabbed a pair of dark form fitting skinnies, my white beetles t-shirt favorite belt buckle, batman hoodie and black low tops, nothing too special but still cute.

"Ready!" I called down the stairs to Charlie.

"I'm getting in the car!" he yelled back somewhere from the house.

I ran down excited to see Jacob. That boy was just plain amazing. The ride took about fifteen minutes, longest fifteen damn minutes ever. I was so over joyed to see him. He is the type of guy Angela would fall head over heels for.

"Bout damn time you came back here!" Ok this is not the boy I remembered. This man was a good 6" 6'. He is standing in front of me with no shirt and I like what I see, what girl wouldn't like having a six pack shoved into their face during a bone crushing hug.

"Well sorry, I was off making trouble." Jake smiled and tried to subtly looked me up and down. The look in his eyes said what I had been thinking when I saw him.

"You sure as hell changed didn't you. You aren't wearing a shirt that would fit Sam." Jacob laughed loudly and gave me the biggest hug I have gotten in a long time.

"Who is this Sam person?" I asked.

"That'd be me." A guy as big as Jacob and twice as many muscles walked out of Jacob's house. How the hell did he fit in there?

"Are there steroids in the water here or something?" I looked incredulously at the boys, no men in front of me. And more were walking out from behind the house. Where the hell are they coming from?

"We are fixing up some bikes in the back. Want to see?" I nodded and started to make my way behind the house when Jacob stopped me and picked me up.

"Dude, what the hell?" He smiled at me.

"I know how you tend to trip all the time. Didn't want you falling." He was laughing so hard he almost dropped me so some other guy took me out of his arms.

"Hi, I'm Quil." What was I some doll? Although he did have a cue smile

"Swan, Bella swan. Now would you put me down I am not a doll to be passed around." I laughed at my own James bond joke. How sad.

"A girl who knows her Bond, I'm impressed. Oh and by the way I'm Paul." Damn all these boys were hot!

When I saw the bikes parts laying all over the garage I immediately started inspecting them and working on them. Jason had taught me a lot and I had an obsession with motor cycles. They were just sexy and fun to ride. My mom was shipping mine up in a couple days. She was sending my car too seeing as how much it rains here I won't get many chances to ride on my baby.

"Ok girl, you just got down right sexy." Sam said from behind me.

I just sat there and laughed. The guys started helping. We laughed and joked and told stories and I caught up with Jake. I had missed so much, he was on a baseball team now. I had flinched only a little when hearing that, maybe I was getting better. Coming back here was such a good idea. Why hadn't I come back after that year? Edward fucking Cullen. Ass hole made me cry all the time, so I switched into my mom's school district like I should have after the divorce.

Tomorrow I was so going to mess with him so much.

"Bella let's go!" Charlie yelled from the drive way.

"Comin' dad! See you guys tomorrow. Going to help me kick Cullen's ass?" I asked Jake and he nodded enthusiastically. He told me Cullen had changed a lot though, that they were even friends but that I had every right to want pay back.

Charlie drove home in silence. I was getting tired anyways. Luckily my bike would be here by morning and it was going to be sunny, great day to show this school not to mess with the Bella Swan.

I stumbled my way through the dark house up to my room. When I finally got up there I took a look at it, it was amazing. Deep crimson walls, black carpet your feet just sank into, a queen sized bed with crimson pillows and sheets covered with a black comforter, I walk in closet that I would be filling up with my clothes tomorrow, my own bathroom…wait where did that come from, that was not here last time.

"Hey dad come here for a second." Charlie walked into the room wherein his pajamas.

"When did I get a bathroom in my bedroom?" I asked surprise evident in my tone.

"I figured you would want your own space so I had it added on." He smiled shyly. I gave him a big hug.

"Thank you so much dad!" he blushed and left the room.

It fit me perfectly. I took pictures and sent them to the guys. They all loved it too. I told them I was off to bed and I would call them before I went to class in the morning.

_I tear my heart open just to feel. Drunk and feeling down._

My alarm buzzed alerting me to the time. Ugh. A.m. a time that should not exist. I rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. The hot water from the shower woke me up enough to handle the early hour. When I got out I wrapped the red towel around me and got to work on my hair.

I blow dried it and straightened it, my make up was the same as usual, really heavy liner mascara lip gloss a little red eye shadow to match my outfit, which was my black and red off with her head Alice in wonderland tee skinnies with studs, black high heels with card symbols on them, twisted heart and club wring and heart earrings and matching necklace. _**(pic on profile. They will be for most of the outfits!)**_

This was it. I was going.

I climbed onto my bike, my beautiful bike and made the short ride to the high school, it was the same as ever. I don't mean in the building structure either, the groups were the same, Lauren, Jessica Ashley, and Kristen wearing the cheer uniforms huddled together by the expensive cars. Two girls were walking up to them. Two girls I had never seen before. One short and this with spiky hair and bright vibrant blue eyes and a tall sexy blond.

As I pulled into the parking lot heads whipped around to stare at the new girl. They were all shocked. I pulled my helmet off shaking my hair out a little. I climbed off the bike with a grace no one here had ever seen me possess.

I heard the "Is that _her_?" and the "holy shit Bella's a babe!"

The blond was glaring daggers at me; she didn't like the attention being taken from her, too bad. I waved at her a smiled. Her group did the oh no you didn't looks. Oh please like I'm scared of some whiny cheerleaders.

_Nice work you did, you're going to go far kid!_

Angela's ringtone went off from my pocket.

"Hey what's up? How are things? Bridget still being a hoe bag? Why did I even, ask I know she is." I was trying to pretend like nothing had changed.

"Yea she is, practically rapping Zeke now that you are gone. They are good, and the sky dip shit. OMG are you talking to Izz?" Jason's voice sounded from the background.

"So how is my little sister?" I laughed at his over enthusiasm.

"Just fine. Hey let me talk to Zeke." I laughed as he pretended to be offended I didn't want to talk to him.

"What's up, sexy?" Zeke had taken to calling me that since I answered the phone one day with "You have reached Miss. Sexy what can I do for you" I was drunk, I have no other excuse.

"Oh nothing much just walking into the building. These people have a starring problem." I laughed.

"Eh you're the new toy. Just don't be forgetting us mis-"I cut him off.

"Hold on Z some bitch wants my attention." He laughed and said ok.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Lauren had turned into a minion. Well that was interesting.

"Oh Lauren you have fallen, you went from having stalkers to being a stalker." She glared at me, but she knew what I was talking about and she knew I had a point.

"She's right though, who the hell do you think you are?" She looked at my outfit with disgust.

"Bella Swan humblinly refusing to be of service madam bitch." I fake bowed at her.

"Oh whatever, just stay out of my way and we won't have any problems. Maybe we could even make you into a descent follower as you call it." she made it sound like she was offering me a gold brick.

"Oh how did you know that's all I have ever wanted, to follow around some bitch just so I can go to some parties and fuck every guy that comes my way. Oh how did you know?" sarcasm dripped from every word as I acted like I would faint at the news.

"Honey, we are going to have problems, I don't plan on staying out of your way I plan on getting in the way every single chance I get, just to make your life a living hell. Kisses." I walked away towards the office.

"You just told off my sister. You are my hero." I looked up to see a blond version of Zeke. Except he has such dark blue eyes they seemed almost purple. And his smile was so, hmm trusting.

"Does this mean we are friends, I hope so because anyone who has a batman belt buckle is cool in my book. Also I have a weakness for boys in skinny jeans." I laughed and he hugged me.

_**I'm trying to make chapters longer. I'm really happy about this story. It would be great if you liked it to. Read my other story Twisted Love or not but review this one good or bad!**_

_**Oh and if you want send me your name or a character to put in the story.**_

_**First 5 reviewers get to see next chapter before I post it. ill email it to you!**_

_**I hope this version is better, I didn't change much just, edited a bit I guess. Thanks and please review.**_

_**-short supply**_


	3. Barable

_**Please enjoy ):**_

You know that moment when someone says something so dumb all you can is look at them. Well this is one of those moments. Mike Newton just walked up to me and said "hey you're too sexy for your shirt. Let's go I the closet and get it off." All I could do was look at him, honestly that's the best he can do.

"That was so dumb it's a rejection in its self. Just walk away Newton, just walk away." He looked down right shocked, as if he thought that would work.

"But, that always works on Jessica." He was a damned idiot, he looked genuinely shocked that I didn't want to sleep with him after a line like that, that poor boy.

"Yea and I'm nothing like that slut Jessica, so turn your ass around and get the hell away from me, god knows what you have gotten from Jessica!" I yelled at him, everyone in the room turned to look at what was happening. The last bit was probably too far. Mike had always been Jessica's weak point, and she had never been too bad.

Apparently Mike didn't get turned down often. Well things at this school were going to change, drastically.

"Way to go Bella!" Jasper yelled from a crossed the room.

"So it's true nerdy Bella came back, now she's a sexy freak." _Cullen._

"Still sexy though." I said, challenging him to push me.

"Only a little, definitely an improvement from how you were before." He said, accepting the challenge.

"The years haven't been so kind to you Mr. Cullen." He looked taken aback, though only for a second.

"Oh like hell they haven't, you just don't want to admit you were checking me out from the second I walked into the door. Oh and hun I was definitely checking you out. You have a great body, something I could make use for." He said coolly.

"That is exactly the reason you don't even have a shot with me." I said back just as calm, this is something I can handle.

"What do you mean by that Swan?" he asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"You use girls, and then throw them away because they don't really mean anything to you. You think that by using them you aren't affected and you aren't all those girls you use are though. They sit at home at night hoping you will text and maybe just maybe this time you won't just see them or the sex, maybe you will take them out and leave it at just a kiss at the door. They want more from you, but they get their hearts broken a little more every time you just walk away." My voice was even.

He sat down a shocked look frozen on his face. He has never seen it like that before. Never really cared to, only cared that he was getting some, I was proud I got to be the one to ruin his pathetic little bubble. Guys like that are sick, and I have dealt with enough of them for a life time.

"Bella, that was amazing. No one has ever stood up to Cullen like that. He may be one of my best friends but that doesn't mean I agree with how he treats women, or that I treat them the same way." he rushed the last bit, making sure I knew he wasn't like the other guys. Jasper was one of those people who always seemed so in tune with others and how they were feeling.

"I know Jazz, it ok if I call you that?" I asked.

"No I like it." he smiled at me in a way I didn't understand.

_What a shame what a shame, because we're not all the same._

Jason's ringtone went off just before the morning bell rang signaling the end of homeroom. I sent him a quick text saying that I was in class, if I didn't he would call till I answered; he was a pain like that.

"I want you to read the entire Romeo and Juliet book over the next 2 weeks, then when the time is up you and a partner will write a page long essay on your thoughts and feelings about the book." This teacher was a no nonsense time I could already tell.

First day and she was already laying it on thick, this is what I get for being in AP. There was a collective of groans from the class. I didn't really mind, it was a descent book. I don't think the ending was very good but that's only because I think it would be stupid to kill myself because someone I love died. They would want you to live on.

"So partners?" Jasper said from the seat next to me.

"What you assume I'm going to be your partner, maybe I wanted to be with Cullen over there or Eric." Edwards head shot up, looking oddly hopeful, Eric just looked stunned someone said his name.

"I was being sarcastic Eddie, don't get to excited. Yea I will be your partner Jazz." I laughed.

We spent the rest of the class talking about anything and everything. I told him about my mom shipping me off here, about my friends back home, some of the things we have done. He laughed hysterically when I told him about the time the four of us got plastered and attempted to TP an old couple, and they came out laughing at us all falling over and saying watching this was so going to be worth cleaning the toilet paper up.

Also the time when we all woke up in someone else's clothes, not even each others, just random clothes, and that I still had the outfit because it was so comfy.

"Now off to math we go. I warn you now my sister is in that class." Jasper seemed reluctant to tell me this. It seem natural I mean come on I am ready to rip the bitches face off and throw it in gas and light it.

We walked into the class as the teacher stood up and said "I am too hung over for this shit I'm out" and proceeded to walk out of the classroom. I respect this man and his honesty.

"Good, there will be no adults around when I kick your ass bitch." Ah, the sweet sound of nails on a chalk board coming from the head slut herself.

"Oh please I beg you take a swing at me, see what happens." I said menace coming from every one of my words.

"Let's do it bitch!" she yelled a glare set on her face.

"You sound like the queen of a trailer park, I mean really what was that.

"Bella careful, Rose can handle herself very well." I nodded; I'm not one to underestimate people that shit gets you in trouble.

She came at me with a grace I didn't know existed. I dodged her, though just barely. She attempted to punch me, and nearly succeeded; I stopped her hand at last second and turned it so was behind her back, holding her there. She wasn't a sissy fighter and I could respect that. I could fight and I could fight well. She whipped around when I let my guard down and punched me in the chest that hurt like a _bitch ._I quickly used my legs to knock her on her ass. She looked up at me shocked.

"Maybe you aren't so bad after all." Wait what.

"huh?" I said back.

"Bella I figured you for one of those wannabe bad tough chicks that just wants everyone to be scared of you, but you really are a bad ass." She smile and held out her hand to me.

"You too." I grabbed her hand expecting what came next. She attempted to twist my arm and throw me down, but I got to her first.

"Never underestimate me Rosalie Hale, it might just get you into trouble." I walked out of the class room only turning to yell to Jasper to follow. He did, right after helping his sister up and making sure she was ok.

"So where to?" I asked and he nodded, silently telling me to fallow. After sneaking out the back way of the school we came upon the bleachers that faced the baseball field. You could tell it was well attended and cared for. There were a couple of people playing on the field. Apparently Jazz knew them.

"OI!" they turned and made their way over.

There was a big one, big as in humongous, the size of a fucking house. His deep brown eyes though made him seem gentle and caring, someone you could always count on to help and someone you could easily trust and would like and trust you till you gave him reason not to, then he still might. His hair was brown and slightly curly. He smiled big with sweet child like dimples.

The other was the girl that was with Rose this morning. She was short and thin, she seemed to bounce and dance with every step she took, like a ballerina. Her spiky black hair just screamed excentric and friendly.

"So who is this lovely young lady?" the big one asked

"Oh yes who is she indeed?" Tiny asked.

"This my dear friends is Bella Swan, the girl who just beat Rose in a fight, quiet skillfully might I add." He seems so proud that I beat up his sister.

"Hey she came at me first!" I laughed to.

"Want to go shopping with me?" the small one asked.

"I just hit your friend and you are asking me if I want to go shopping?" she smiled and nodded.

"Rose was asking for it really, she can be a bitch I love her yes but she can still be a bitch. Maybe you beating her in a fight will set her at least a little straight on the fact that the world does not revolve around her." The three laughed.

"Who are you guys anyways? I have never met you and I used to live here." My curiosity was getting the better of me, though it was a normal thing to want to know the names of the people you were talking to and were inviting you to go shopping.

"I am Alice Brandon, the single most stylish person you will ever meet." She curtsied.

"I am Emmett McCarty, single coolest person you will ever meet." He bowed.

"Ok what is with the bowing and shit?" I asked though still laughing at their introductions.

"We have no idea. So how did you and Jasper become friends?" Alice questioned.

"Well he congratulated me on telling his sister off and I complimented his amazing batman belt buckle." She nodded and looked at the two of us in a strange way.

"See and you said the belt buckle would chase cool girls go away from me, I think the cool girls are the ones that like batman." Japer said towards Alice, she had most likely tried to get him to get rid of it.

"I have a batman hoodie my friend bought me a year ago; I love that thing so much it's not even funny." My voice was laughing

_I won't be just a face in the crowd you'll hear my voice when I shout it out loud. IT'S MY LIFE!_

Zeke was calling. That boy is always worried about me, it's like he is so scared of something happening to me, big or small, what can I expect though it's Zeke? He has been there through everything.

"What up bitch?" I said answering my phone.

"Is that any way to speck to the love of your life?" Zeke joked.

"I'm not sure, I'll ask him when I see him." I said back.

"Ouch Bella baby ouch, that hurts." You could hear him laughing.

"Oh stop being a baby, you know I love you."

"Oh yes I do. Ok well we have to go to class. You have fun with your….rain. We miss you and we will make sure we see you soon. Love you!" he yelled ad hung up. Everyone was staring at me weird.

"What?" I asked them.

"Who was that?" Alice's gaze darted to my phone.

"One of my best friends from back home, he is always so worried about me." I laugh and they nodded like they got what I was saying to them, they probably did.

God I missed my friends so much. I don't know how I am going to handle anything without them. They are my support system, whether they believe it or not, I need them.

"Do you miss them?" Jazz seemed distant.

"Yea, more than I even miss my mom. They are my family, they are always there for me, leaving them behind is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't know what I'm going to do without my friends. I mean at least they all still have each other, I'm practically alone here." I hadn't realized it till Jasper used his thumb to whip away a tear that I was crying. I hate crying, it does nothing but make people ask questions I don't want to answer.

"Wow, you really care about them. I can't replace that Zeke guy I would never even try but I can make it so you're not alone Bella. You don't have to be alone if you don't want to. "I would like to be friends with you guys, it would be great." I smiled and hugged Jasper to me, that meant more to me than he could know.

_**Sorry if there are any holes I'm trying to go through and edit and I think I have everything covered but I am only human and doing this without a beta and in one night. So just tell me if I left anything big out thanks I would love the help. **_

_**-Short Supply**_


	4. Memories

_I swear to God we've been down this road before  
The guilt's no good, and it only shames us more  
And the truths that we all try to hide, are so much clearer when its not our lives  
When we don't face the blame_

Again that blasted alarm. I managed to roll out of my bed to start my day. No I mean literally I fell out of my bed. Oh what a way to start the day. Oh hey that rhymed. I crawled my way to the bathroom and managed to take a shower and do m make-up and hair. I went simple and threw on a plane pair of black low rise skinny jeans and one of my many "Framing Hanley" _**(they are my favorite band ever!)**___tee shirts, with the normal make-up.

Down stairs I pulled on my purple converse threw on my black leather jacket that Zeke had given me after...after what happened. When I pulled the warn fabric to my face I noticed it still smelled faintly of his axe cologne. That had always been a scent I associated with comfort, safety….home.

I jumped into my pride and joy, my 1968 ford mustang, it was blue with the trade mark black stripe down the middle _**(picture on pro)**_, I had worked my ass off for this car. I have worked for this car sine I was about 15 years old. The day I got it…was the happiest day of my existence. The car was in perfect condition, it took very good care of this car.

M phone buzzed in my pocket.

_Pick me up 4 skool?_

_-Jake_

_Course_

_-Bella_

I turned out of my drive way and headed to Jake's. Now that I think about it I didn't see him at all yesterday. I was excited for him to see my baby. If anyone would appreciate her it would be him. When I got there I just walked right into the house, waved to Billy and went to Jake's room. When I opened the door he was in only his boxers.

"What the hell woman?" he looked shocked.

"Oh please like you have anything to hide from me, besides the goods are covered." I smiled at him and pulled a pair of skinny jeans and a "Foo Fighters" tee shirt, he threw them on slipped into his converse and I tussled his hair.

"No fair." I said pouting at him.

"What" he asked curiously.

"It is so easy for guys to get ready." He smiled and threw and arm over my shoulder.

"Ah well, I make it look easy, I'm just effortlessly this sexy." He smirked and I smacked the back of his head.

"I'm surprised I didn't hear that monster of a truck you have from a mile away." I just smiled and led him outside. To say he was speechless was an understatement. He openly gawked at my baby.

"So, you like her?" I asked already know the answer. My reply was him pulling out his phone and making a call.

"Dude, you have to see this, get to my house, NOW. Bring the guys." He just sat and stared at the car.

Twenty minutes after all the boys were just sitting there starring at my car.

"Can I drive her?" Jake finally said.

"Hell fucking no!" he nodded as if that was what he was expecting this answer, like he had expected it even.

"Jake get in the damn car, or I am leaving without you." He climbed in and the other guys muttered jealously.

The school parking lot wasn't much better, everyone guy looked at my car like it was a dream come true, and when I stepped out some of them drooled, hot cars and pretty babes, every man's dream come true. Then as Jake stepped out they all glared at him.

"Hey, sweet ride" Emmett made a big mistake at that point…he put his bag on the hood of my car. I proceeded to punch him in the shoulder...hard, and then threw his bag at him.

"Do not under any circumstances lay your bag… or anything else on my car or I will break your jaw." He nodded. I gave him a hug and a sweet smile.

"Little protective?" he asked.

"This thing means more to me than my own life." I stated simply, I saw Jasper nod as if he thought this was a perfectly sane and reasonable thing to say.

"Hey, jazzy boy, how are you?" I tackled him to the ground when I hugged him. He simply laughed at me and oicked us up.

"See ya Bella!" I gave Jake a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then followed jazz to our first class.

Throughout the whole class jazz was making faces at me and making me laugh out loud, and every time the teacher would shoot me a look. When he puffed out his cheeks and pulled his ears making him look vaguely like a monkey I laughed a little too loudly.

"Miss. Swan I know you are aware I don't like people disturbing my class and as it seems you won't refrain from your laughter I would like you to go sit in the hall till the end of class." The teacher waited till I had gathered all of my belongings and had shut the door behind me before she started the lesson again.

While I sat in the hallway I drew in my art book without noticing what I had drawn, when I looked down I smiled to myself, this isn't the first time I had drawn Zeke without even thinking about it. Actually it happened quite often. I pulled out my phone and noticed I had 4 texts.

The first was from Jason.

_Hope my sister hasn't forgotten me :)_

I replied

_Like that would ever happen, after all you are my favorite big brother._

Angela's text was the next I found

_Hope it isn't too horrible there hun_

I smiled.

_Its bearable, I have some decent people to hang with, hopefully I'll be seeing you guys soon._

Jasper had texted me from in our class.

_Sorry to get you kicked out of class. Lol._

I glared jokingly at the phone

_Shut it. you will be making this up to me._

Last I had one from zeke.

_I miss you._

Why did it hurt so much to not be with him right now? Why did those words send such a pang through me.

_I miss you too Zeke_

"So what did you do?" I smiled and looked up at Alice's small form standing in front of my spot on the floor.

"Jasper made me laugh so I got kicked out of class, its all on him I swear, I do no wrong." She busted out laughing at this statement.

"Something tells me you have thrown back far too many shots to be able to say you do no wrong." I grinned at the small pixie.

"You caught me." She laughed.

"Well I am off to play some baseball with Emmett, want to come? You have free period next right?" she asked though she knew the answer to all the questions.

"Hell yeah I'm in." she pulled me up with surprising force and dragged me off towards the baseball field.

"Hey Emmie, Bella is going to play with us." He nodded and smiled.

We did it so Emmett and I played catch and Alice and Jasper did. The first time Emmett threw it I knew he was going easy on me.

"Come on I am too good for these sissy throws." He nodded and smirked.

The next time he threw it he didn't even think to hold back and when I effortlessly caught the ball he looked a little surprised. I looked at the ball in my glove and smiled, it had been so long since I had even played catch, not since…well its been a while.

I threw the ball back and to Emmett's surprise his hand stung like a bitch.

"Damn girl you can throw." I smiled at him.

Every couple throws from Bella Emmett had to take his glove off and shake his hand out a bit. Tough he didn't mind. He was damn proud of the girl.

_"_Swan, right?" A man walked up to me.

"Um yes." I smile and nod.

"I'm the coach of our baseball team. Would you mind if we threw a few?" the man asked totally leaving it up to me. Again I nod and smile.

He runs to where Emmett is now and takes his glove and mitt. We proceed to throw a few and he seems toughly impressed.

"Young lady would you please join the team? I mean the team is co-ed so it would be fine, even if you'd be the first and only girl to ever be on the team." he looks so worried i'll say no.

"When's practice?" he smiles and looks ready to jump for joy.

"Tuesdays, Thursdays after school and we run Saturday mornings" he nods and walks away.

"YEA!" Emmett yells and jasper gives me a high five Alice almost tackles me to the ground.

"OH do you have anything to wear to practice today?" Alice asks.

"No Alice I don't but I imagine you do." Is there anything this girl isn't prepared for when it comes to fashion?

After my last class Alice dragged me into the girl's locker room. There were a few girls in there, and they had a few cigarettes and some shady looking bottle in a brown bag, could they be more obvious. Well they sure know how to spend a school day.

Within seconds Alice had me in a pair of black short shorts with a red line running down the side a black tank top a red puma sports jacket, black knee high stockings and black puma shoes with a red puma on the side. I looked..sexy and efficient all at the same time. I put my hair up in a tight high pony tail grabbed up my bat and glove. This hadn't always been mine…

As I walked towards the door I heard the coach talking to the team.

"Now we have finally found our new pitcher." Everyone seemed excited by the news.

"Why didn't we see him in the locker room?" Mike asked, he may be an ass but I knew he could play ball well. I peeked around the corner and saw the rest of the team. It was Jasper, Edward, Emmett, Mike, Connar, Eric, Tyler and Jake.

"Well that's because the new team mate is of the female gender." The coach said.

"Why would there be a girl on the team, there is no way she can be a better pitcher than Eric." Tyler said, and I saw Jasper and Emmett smirk.

For a good twenty minutes the guys argued with the coach about how I shouldn't be on the team. Well I was sick of it so I stepped out of the locker room and threw a ball right by Tyler's head. It missed him by a mere inch. I had good aim. When they all turned to look at me in surprise I just smirked and swayed my hips slightly as I walked towards them. I unzipped my jacket a little showing how low cut the tank top was, the coach rolled his eyes but said nothing.

"Pretty please just let me try to play. If I'm not good enough I'll quit the team, promise." I bit my lip and crossed my hands in front of me pushing up my boobs a bit. Everyone of those teenage boys eyes drifted down, yes even the guys that I was friends with, well they are only men. When they looked at me I bit my lip.

"Just let her try guys, it won't hurt anyone" Tyler said. The rest nodded in agreement, and the coach just chuckled and laughed at what I had done, what can I say being a girl pays off.

When practice came to an end it was decided I was the new starting pitcher. They had all been thoroughly shocked at how good I was, excluding Jake. I had even surprised Jasper and Emmett a bit. Throughout the whole practice Alice was cheering me on.

"Your phone has gone off multiple times, and by multiple I mean like 90." Alice laughed.

She hadn't been exaggerating either, most of them were from my friends one or two from mom and 5 from Charlie, the rest were my friends, mostly Zeke though. I deleted the messages and called him back first.

_Oh thank god you finally called back!_

"Sheesh I was just at practice"

"_Practice?_" his voice was skeptical.

"I am on the baseball team" you could hear the smile in my voice.

_Are...are you ok? Are you sure you can handle that? I mean you haven't even touched a baseball since h-_

"Please don't say it, yea I think I can handle it, maybe….maybe you guys could come here for my first game…" my voice trailed off unsure.

"_We wouldn't miss it for the world and you know it, Bella baby I love you, and I'm happy you can finally do what you love most, I just hope you know you will have to face what happened, you can't keep blocking it out, it's been two years." _I can still hear the worry in his voice but he really is happy for me.

It's a lot to get passed ok, I have to go" my voice was on edge now, he just had to say it didn't he

"_Please don't be mad I'm just worried about you." I felt bad for making him worry._

"Fine love you too, but I really do have to go, someone is about to touch my car, give my love to the gang!"

"Don't you dare touch my baby." Edward Cullen was looking at my car thoughtfully.

"Where did you get a car like this in such good condition?" his voice was a little bewildered.

"When I got this car, it was rust covered and missing and engine, me and my friends Jayson and Zeke rebuilt her, well they just helped hand me parts, I wouldn't let them to the actual work." He smiled. Building it alone made it just that more special.

When I walked in the door I got right to work on making a good home cooked meal for Charlie. He walked in as I was setting the pan and garlic bread on the table.

"Hope you like chicken parmesan." I laughed as he just nodded amazed probably that he owned a dish like that.

"So I hear my little girl is the first and only girl to make the baseball team." Charlie smiled proudly at me, I felt my body warm-up it was good to make him so proud. Renee had never liked me playing ball, but Alex had pushed it. God it hurt to even think his name. I missed him so much, no now is not the time to drift into memory lane.

"Why yes father dear I am." I smiled back with a proud smile. This would be something we could talk about, he could relate to sports.

"When the first game. I have always made a point to go to Forks baseball games, even aft-" he stopped when he noticed the tears well in my eyes.

"I'm going to go to bed, if that ok." Charlie nodded.

After I had cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and handed Charlie a beer I went up to my room. The first thing I did was turn on my Stereo, not caring what played just needing the sound. I turned the hot water on and got in the shower, once I had finally cleaned myself off I broke down. I sat on the floor of the shower and cried, for hours, thinking of all the memories.

_Flashback_

_I sat crying on my bed when my brother came in. Alex sat with me on my little bed in my bright pink room. And a 5 year old me clung to him like he was keeping me in that world._

"_I don't wanna leave daddy!" I cried out and he held me close to him._

"_We will still see daddy Bella-boo. It'll all be ok. I promise._

_End flash back_

Alex was always there when I needed him no matter what.

_Flashback_

"_Come on Bella-boo!" a twelve year old Alex yelled to me._

"_Where are we going?" I asked my big brother._

"_I am going to teach you baseball" he smiled wide._

_We had spent the next several hours playing ball. Every day for his stay we played._

_End flashback_

He always told me how good I was.

_Flashback_

"_I don't like it when you have to go back to dad's" I whispered in my brother ear right before he boarded his plain to dad's. He had chosen to move there when I was that Charlie shouldn't have to be alone anymore and mom needed someone to stay with her._

_End flash back_

He had come back right before my 16th birthday.

_Flashback_

"_Why Bella?" his voice had sounded so broken_

_He had caught me stoned drunk and cutting, my three worst habits at the time, or should I call them addictions._

_He had looked so sad to see me like this._

_That night he had called Charlie to say he was moving back here, he didn't give a reason other than I needed him, and the truth was I did need him, more than ever._

_The next few weeks had been about me getting better, and I did, I was back to playing ball and hanging with friends, me and Alex were closer than ever. He had never told anyone about what he saw that night. He promised he wouldn't as long as I made an effort to get better, to stop. _

_Baseball had become our mutual escape, when we needed to get away we'd text or the other one and they would drop everything and everyone to be with each other. _

_End of flash back_

He knew me better than anyone and I him. Sometimes we wouldn't even have to talk and the other one would just no to go to our little personal field.

The water was running ice cold now. I climbed out in a numb state and dressed myself. From the hidden box in my closet I pulled out a worn out plane black hoodie got into bed and cried into it, for some reason his sent never left the hoodie.

I cried myself with memories of my brother knowing very well that I very specific and vivid memory would be the thing to awake me in a screaming fit in the dead of night.

_**I think this is going well (: would love some input.**_

_**-ShortSupply**_


	5. surprise!

"AHHHHH!" I say bolt right up in my bed. I haven't had a nightmare this bad since the first couple of months after it happened. Charlie busted in my room, he was in boxers and a white tank top holding an aluminum baseball bat looking around crazily.

"Dad I just had a nightmare, I'm sorry to wake you up." The only response I got was a grunt a nod and him walking back to his room.

When I heard Charlie snoring I did what any sane person would at a time like this, broke down and cried my eyes out. Thinking about that night…thinking about Alex in general made me upset. Alex had been my best friend, my support system and when Renée was off doing whatever she did, my parent. Slowly I reached over to my night stand and called the one person I knew would help me.

"Zeke" my voice broke when I said his name.

"Oh god, I knew you joining the team would upset you. Are you ok Sweetie?" he sounded so worried for me. Zeke had been with me through everything.

"I miss him so much Zeke. Why did the man have to pick him? Why didn't he go for me first?" my voice came in gasping whispers.

"NO! Bella never say that, ever. Alex would be so angry if you said that. His host probably wants to smack you right now. Bella you have too many people that love you to be going down this road again. I can't let you get like you were before. I love you far too much." Zeke had seen me right after, when all of Alex's work went right out the damned window. All the help he had given me to stop had become obsolete.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight, I love you too. When you go to tell the others about this…don't, please. I cant handle their worry right now, I just needed to hear a familiar voice." I then preceded to hang up the phone, not giving him the chance to answer.

I leaned over my bed and reached into the drawer of my nightstand. I pulled out multiple prescription bottles till I found the right one. Ambient was the sleeping pills my psychiatrist had given me after one night I had a nightmare so bad I cut myself so deeply I had needed 7 stitches. That was one of the things she had given. Also there was Ritalin, xanax, and wellbutrin for starters.

It took maybe a minute for the drugs to kick in. the rest of the night I didn't dream at all. Though when I finally did wake up it was well passed 10'o'clock. I immediately jumped out of bed and into the shower. Charlie must have noticed the pill container and turned my alarm off.

When I got out of the shower I absently threw on a pair of tripps and Zeke's black tee my batman belt and red low tops, did my make-up and was out the door in 15 minutes flat. Right before I started my car I stopped and though _"I should bring them…just in case"_I went back inside and ran upstairs and grabbed my wellbutrin and took a few.

I showed up right in time for 3rd hour science. The teacher gave me a look when I handed him my tardy slip. I sat right in my seat next to Jasper. He smile and the teacher continued to drone on about something I wasn't sure what about. I lay my head on my desk and zoned out. I didn't even notice the teacher talking to me till Jasper flicked me in the head.

"Well Miss. Swan since you refuse to pay attention I am giving you the task of showing the new student around, his schedule nearly matches yours." I looked up and smiled.

I don't think I have been this happy to see someone since grandma Swan came to Alex's funeral. I ran right to the front of the room and tackled him right to the ground. Zeke must have told him about last night.

"Why are you here? Are the others here too?" I couldn't see his face I was too busy clinging to Jayson's shirt.

"It's just me, sorry kiddo. We will talk later people are staring." Jay smiled and led me to the back of the room.

"Fine" I mumbled and dragged him back to my seat. I turned to the person on the side of me jasper wasn't.

"You, move, now" apparently I am scary because the immediately switched to a different seat.

"Have a free period. I don't want to do anything more." We looked at the teacher as if she was on crack, then slowly started talking.

"Jasper, this is my…well he is like my brother, Jayson." They smiled nodded and sized each other up.

"So how is your little boy toy?" I asked Jayson, in a mild way letting Jasper know he was gay.

"I dumped him. Way too much to handle, he actually wanted a relationship, what happened to the good old days when all boys wanted was casual no attachment sex." Jasper just looked at him like he was crazy.

"He sexy which team you playing for?" Jayson said making it obvious he was checking Jasper out.

"Sorry man you just don't do it for me." Jasper smiled, good he passed the test. Now see if he had started making fun of jay his ass would have been kicked.

"Prove it." Jayson said eyeing jazz.

"How?" jasper seemed mildly intrigued.

"Kiss Bella" wait what.

"Do I get a say in this?" Jayson shook his head no.

Jasper turned me so I was facing him, cupped my face in his hands and brought my mouth to his. When our lips touched a burning sensation went through me. I stood and sat in his lap making his mouth come down on me once again. Slowly his tongue traced my bottom lip and right at that moment I heard the cat call.

"Woo hoo Bella! Can I get some of that?" Mike Newton yelled.

"Fuck off" my very kind and articulate response.

"Baby if you come here I'll show you how real men fuck." He smiled and Tyler patted him on the back.

Jayson got up from his seat walked to mike and whispered something in his ear that no one could hear. When he leaned back he punched Mike in the jaw so hard you could almost hear the bone crack.

Really the rest of the day was normal. Jayson seemed hung up on Emmett like you wouldn't believe. The scary thing was Emmett gave off the vibe that he wanted jay. That is something I will have to look into.

Alice enjoyed talking clothes and other things with Jayson. Watching him interact with my new friends so well made me smile all day. At lunch he had called Zeke and Angela, they had totally freaked, apparently Jayson hadn't told anyone but his mom he was coming. His mom didn't care, she paid his rent for a small apartment and wired him money for food. Jay never had much for parents.

Zeke and Angela were going to come visit on winter break.

"Jayson, where are you staying?"I finally asked when he came to dinner for the 5th night in a row.

"An apartment, I told you." I have yet to see this place even once and he doesn't give me an exact location, ever.

"Well I'm coming over tomorrow. No arguing." My voice was stern.

"Um well, I uh, fine, right after school, but you can only stay like ten minutes, my uh roommate won't be happy you are there." He said unsure of himself.

"Why is that?" ok I refuse to drop this, what they hell is going on with Jayson. He has always told me everything.

"He don't like having people around the place, I respect that." Ok the Jayson I know would not put up with something like that.

"Liar, now tell me what really going on." He looked at me sheepishly.

"You aren't they reason I'm here. Well you are part of it but there's…another reason." He seemed to be struggling with something.

"Then why are you here, who is this roommate, jay I need some answers." I was getting desperate and worried.

"I finally found my dad. Turns out he has been in La Push. Him and my mom met by accident I guess I'm not really sure. Anyways daddy dearest don't want my freaky friends in the house. He found out about the gay thing I guess. He is less than thrilled about it." Jayson looked out the kitchen window like it had all the answers on the clear glass.

"Oh well ok, I guess I don't need to come over. I don't want him getting even angrier." I wasn't so sure about this.

"So what's your old man like?" I ask smiling. He has been trying to find this man since he was about 14.

"Looks a lot like the old me, you know before Angela and Zeke got to me." He smiles but I can tell he doesn't mean it. "He is a little taller than me, dirty blonde hair, though his is thinning out a bit. Brown eyes, really the same facial features as me." His voice is falsely cheery, if I didn't know him so well I wouldn't have picked up on it either.

"Ok so what's he like? Personality wise?" his posture stiffens in the chair but I just ignore it.

"I don't really know, we haven't had much time together." A simple enough answer.

For the rest of the time he is over we just keep the talk superficial. We talk about the people he met. How he likes it here. Normal stuff like that.

"So…Emmett, what's he like?" Jason's voice trails off. I knew it!

"I KNEW IT!" he smiles shyly.

"Well Emmett is…a giant frightening….teddy bear. He is the second nicest guy I have met here this year.

My phone vibrated with a text from Alice.

_**Jason ask bout Emmett yet?**_

-a

_**How did you know?**_

-b

_**Emmett just asked bout Jason…don't tell him though, Emmett wants to do it his way.**_

-a

_**I didn't know Emmett was gay.**_

-b

_**People learned the hard way not to make fun of him for it. But it isn't like a big thing.**_

-a

Well if anyone could scare everyone at the school it would be Emmett.

"Well he is playing for your team so you are good to go." Jason looks giddy at the idea.

"Can you give me a ride home?" he says after glancing at the clock on the stove

Turns out Jason lives next to Jacob. After dropping him off I head to Jake's. Charlie's car is in the drive too.

"AHOY!" I yell as I let myself in.

"Hey there sexy thing." Smack. Jacob and Charlie both smacked Paul in the back of the head. I gave them a big smile.

"I'm good baby." I walked up and kissed his cheek and he blushed.

"Aw Bells you'll give him a kiss and not me." Jacob pouted. So I did what any respectable 17 year old girl would do…I tackled him and kissed him full on the mouth stood and smiled down at his dazed face.

"I really never want to see that again." Charlie says with a smile but I know he means it.

"Hey daddy." I pout a little.

"What do you want?" he asks looking at me.

"Can I say the night here? I know it's a school night but I miss Jacob and I wanna spend time with him. Pretty please daddy." I pout and bring my hands in front of my like I'm praying.

"I want to say no but I just cant when you give me that look. Yes you can stay the night here…if its ok with Billy." He smiles like he knows Billy will say no for him.

I turn to Billy. "Uncle Billy can I pwitty pwease stay the night." I do the same face to Billy.

"I'm powerless to the pout." He nodes yes.

"Damn you old man you were supposed to be immune you have two daughters. OK then Billy let's leave them here." Charlie and Billy escape like we are catching the place on fire.

"Did they really just leave six guys alone…with Bella, their like baby girl?" Paul asked incredulously.

"Well they know I am a perfect lady and that I would never lets say…suggest truth or dare." Everyone laughed at my innocent face.

"So Paul truth or dare?" I knew the answer but I decided to be polite.

He gave me a look. " ok I dare you to…kiss Sam." Oh was that a sight to see. I thought Sam was ganna kill me.

The game went like that for a while really. It was kind of junior high but still fun. It ended up being a game of dare really. I picked truth once and that was it. Well it wasn't really interesting till it was Jared's turn again.

"So Jake truth or dare?" Jared looked at Jake.

"Dare all the way man." He smirked like he was some big man.

"I dare you to kiss Bella…since we all know you have wanted to since…well forever." Jake's smirk falls and his cheeks turn a bright red…as do mine for that matter.

I mustered up my courage before Jake got the chance. I crawled over to him since we were all sitting in a circle on the floor in the living room. I put my hand on his face gently gliding him to me. His lips were soft and warm against mine. I know they said we only had to kiss but Jake finally got his courage up and kissed me like a man. He grabbed my face between his hands treating me like a doll. Our lips melted together.

He made it so my legs were on either side of him and I was pressed against him. His tongue traced my lower lip and I opened my mouth for him to explore. Jake was making electric currents flow through me like crazy he mouth tasted like mint and chocolate which normally I can't stand but right now I couldn't get enough of it.

A yell broke us apart. We looked around the room and everyone was fine. No one had any clue as to what it was. We forgot about it when Paul put in the hills have eyes. The whole time I hid between Jake and Jared. They were laughing at me but I noticed them jump a couple times.

When I finally fell asleep I was curled up on Jake's bed alone. The boys decided it was best if I slept there alone…till I woke them all up with my screaming. When the guys busted down the door the saw me huddled up and crying almost hysterically in the corner of the bed.

Jake POV

Seeing her like this was…almost impossible. She has been my best friend since…forever. When Alex died she got all messed up. Renée would send me emails about how she was doing. I owe everything to those friends of hers for making her human again. I couldn't be there for my best friend and I'm happy they could.

I gathered her up in my arms and murmured nothings into her ear. Eventually I got her calm enough to take some of her sleeping mediation. The rest of the night I just watched her sleep and when she got restless I would whisper to her.

I knew Bella would never think of me than more than a friend but I don't think we would ever really work. It's getting easier every day to get over her. I know I have to she doesn't want me.

Bella POV

I woke up and immediately knew Jake had stayed with me all night and I was so thankful. I have no clue what I would do without my best friend. I got up careful I didn't want to wake Jake up. I rooted through Jake's clothes and found where he kept mine. I always made sure he had one outfit for occasions like this. I got into the shower and let the water momentarily wash away the nightmare from the night before. When I got out of the shower I noticed I had left my clothes in Jake's room. Which means I would have to walk across the living room where all the other guys were in just a towel…oh well.

"Wake your lazy asses up we have school!" I said standing in the doorway making sure I was totally covered.

Paul was the first too look up and he smacked Jared awake without taking his eyes off me. When Jared woke he slapped Embry. It was like a line of slapping and starring. That is till Jake came in, saw me smacked them all lifted me up and put me in his room with a scowl on his face.

I put on the all time low tee and tripp skinny some plain black converse and threw my hair up in a pony tail did my makeup and called it good.

"Jake you coming with me right?" I asked he nodded and went to his room to change. The guys had cleared out probably too go home and change.

"Jake, about last night" he cut me off.

"Bella…as much as I hate it…I know I'm not the one for you. I hope whoever you pick is good enough for you." He stared off and my heart broke a little.

"I'm sorry Jake, I shouldn't have kissed you like that it wasn't fair to you. I don't know how you don't hate me." I study my converse intently.

"Bella" he lifts my face with his hand. "you are worth everything. You are the most amazing girl I have ever known, you are amazing, no one could ever hate you especially me." I nod and smile up at him. He has always known what to say to me.

We climb into the car for what will be one very eventful day, for the both of us.

_**FINALLY THIS CHAPTER IS DONE! I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH IT. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS: MIDNIGHTBLUE19 AND CRIMSON-GOTH-GIRL (:**_

_**-Short supply**_


	6. Chapter 6

When Jake and I got out of the car I jumped on his back and demanded with a laugh that he carry me to all of my classes.

"Fine, but only if I get a hug every time, I think I deserve some kind of payment." He smiled at me.

"OMG! Jayson!" I ran over and tackled him to the ground and he let out a yelp of pain.

"Oh gosh are you ok? I'm sorry did I hurt you?" I was freaking out. I hadn't meant to hit him that hard.

"Yeah be careful next time dude that one hurt." He smiled at me from his place on the ground. When he stood up his entire backside was dripping wet.

"Come here I have extra clothes in the car." I smiled at him.

"Something tells me your clothes won't fit me." He laughed.

"Oh shut up, they are Zeke's, they are still in my car from that day we went to the beach." We both smiled at the memory.

_Flashback_

_Zeke Angela and Jayson barged into my room at 1:30 a.m. and pulled me out of bed literally pulled me out. Angela grabbed me clothes and a bag and led me to my car_. _Angela drove my car since I was still waking up and Zeke and Jayson took Zeke's dad's convertible. When we had finally shown up at some private beach, Zeke opened his dad's trunk to reveal an obscene amount of booze._

_"What is going on?" I asked. Then I hadn't been really over my brother yet. I still wanted nothing more than to just be alone. Though my friends have done anything but leave me alone since…well since I started falling apart. _"_We are going to get drunk and dance around and just…have fun." Zeke smiled at me as Angela spoke. I knew they were trying to cheer me up._

_With the frown still evident on my face I reached into the trunk pulled out a bottle of rum and took the big drinks and smiled to myself. I drank just a bit more dumped some coke in the bottle and sat on the blanket just starring at the water._

"_So how is my favorite girl in the whole wide world. You know what I don't care because I know what you are going to say." He was cut off by Jason._

"_So we are going to make this a night to remember." The smiled nodded picked me up and ran to the water when they got deep enough the drobed me and ran._

_I got Zeke back by somehow managing to steal his shorts and run. Jayson was far more simple, I threw some seaweed at him and he let out a high girly squeal which as his best friends we made fun of him for it forever._

_The rest of the night really was amazing. We really don't remember the details, but we do remember the morning after. Together we lay on the hood of my car ( I made sure no one was wearing anything that could scratch her.) and just watched the sun rise. That was the day we declared to always be there. No matter what or when._

_End flashback_

"Those have been in there for like ever dude." He laughed and got into my car and changed.

He came out in a pair of Zeke's skinnies that were bunching up at the bottom since he was shorter than Zeke and a plain black tee shirt.

"Lookin' good sexy." He gave me a half smile. I saw a red mark on his arm, almost like someone had been punched and it hasn't bruised yet.

Turned out Jake kept his promise and carried me to every class. It was weird and I don't know how managed it but every class I came out of he was standing outside waiting to carry me away. Once he jokingly punched jay in the shoulder and he winced and bit his lip. Me tackling him couldn't have done that.

I needed to find out what was going on with him. And soon.

When I went home all I could think about was what was happening with Jayson. Is he in some kind of trouble. Should I talk to his dad? His mom? Oh they will be no help. Zeke? Yeah he might know what is going on.

I called Zeke and thank god he answered.

"What's up baby cakes?" he asked me

"Don't call me that dip stick. Anyways…do you know what's up with Jayson?" I asked worry evident in my voice.

"No. what's going on up there?" he asked.

"Nothing I'm just wondering. I have to go to bed I love you night" before he can even answer I am already off the phone and headed to my room.

_Clink_

_Clink_

I rolled over but the noise wouldn't stop. I opened my window and a bruised and bloody Jayson stood outside in only his boxers. Thank god Charlie wasn't home. I ran outside and helped him to the bathroom. I helped him get into the shower before he froze to death. He groaned when the hot water hit his open wounds.

I ran to my room and got my first aid kit out. I came back to the bathroom and got him to stand in the shower and turn the water off. Now that the water was shut off blood started to cover him again. A tear slid down my face. When I started cleaning the wounds with alcohol he cried out some which made me cry harder.

What happened to him? Oh god. Who would do this?

Finally I got him to put on a pair of the boxers I sleep in and some sweats.

"What the fuck happened to you?" I was almost sobbing at this point. I was sitting on the pillows and his head was in my lap.

"I was walking around and these guys came out of o where and took all my clothes and beat the shit outta me." His voice broke exactly 9 times in that sentence.

I cried harder and harder. Finally when he fell asleep I called Alice.

"Bella? Bella what's wrong?" her pixie like voice was worried.

"Jayson got really hurt. I…I can't handle this alone. Can you come over?" my voice broke and I started crying all over again. I didn't know what to do and I hated feeling this helpless, where was Zeke when I needed him.

"On my way. Emmett is coming to. The poor boy is frantic." I nod even though I know she can't see me and hang up.

When they walk into my room jasper is there too and he pulls me into his arms. Though it is awkward because I won't move away from Jayson. Emmett is just starring at Jayson worriedly.

"He's ok, I cleaned the wounds. God they were everywhere…and I mean everywhere." I flinched at the image of the tiny cuts on his…area.

Emmett also flinched. Eventually the others too fell asleep but I stayed up the whole night starring down at Jayson and calming him when he became restless, I didn't want him opening up any of the cuts.

The whole night I itched to grab my phone and call Zeke and demand he come here. I knew I couldn't though; first I had to get to the bottom of this and make whoever did this to my best friend pay.

The next day was Saturday so we just hung out at my house. We watched monies fussed over Jayson, and sat around. Played games. Eventually at 11 we convinced Emmett, Alice and Jasper that they could leave and that we'd be ok.

Jayson convinced me not to tell Angela or Zeke how I have no clue. He had me drive him home and he climbed through his window so his dad wouldn't ask questions. I hoped the guy would, at least then he'd try to help.

That night I heard the sound of little pebbled hitting my window and immediately called Alice and walked outside…he was worse than before. We did the same thing as we did the night before. This time I didn't cry as much but was doubly scarred. Why was this happening to my friend? Why?

The next day he refused to answer questions as to what happened. I made him promise me that when I dropped him off he wouldn't leave the house because if he did I would have someone always watching his house. He knew I wasn't kidding and that I could make it happen.

At school the next day Jayson was limping pretty badly. I almost called Zeke several times. I just didn't know how to handle this without them. Jayson refuses to tell me what's going on; though he and I both know he lied to me.

"I'm done with this I'm calling Zeke and Angela." I looked him right in the eye, his stare was level with mine and he nodded like he understood then got in the car.

I wasn't letting him go anywhere alone yet he was getting more and more bruised up. I need to figure out who and why they are doing this and when I do…assault charges will be the least of their worries.

Today when I went home after making sure Jay got into the house I decided to make up for neglecting Charlie…and to ambush him. I made lasagna salad and cut bread.

"Hey Bells. It smells good. He sat at the table and started right in on the food and took a break to thank me for the great food.

I smiled at him. "hey daddy." His ears perked up in question.

"What is it?" he asked curious.

"Well I really miss my friends and well their parents said they could move here…and I have been looking forward to graduating with them since we met and I was uh wondering if maybe they could live with us." I gave the best pouty lip and puppy dog eyes I could.

He caved like any father would at a face like that.

"The boy sleeps in the den." I nodded smiled and hugged him.

When I was up stairs in my room I whipped my phone out and 3 way called Zeke and Angela.

"What could you possibly want right now?" Angela yelled. It was her nap time.

"Hey Bella boo." Zeke said laughing at Angela.

"Zeke sorry but you have to sleep in the den." I smiled as it took them a minute to register what I was saying to them.

"OMG he said yes?" Angela was now over me waking her up.

"Well there go my snuggling plans." Zeke said laughing.

"OK but here's the thing…." I then told them all about what was going on with Jayson. To say they totally flipped is a gross understatement.

They declared they would be in school in three days. This means they would be here tomorrow at midnight. I would pick them and their luggage up at the air port. Charlie agreed to let me take the cruiser because my truck couldn't make the trip.

I texted Jazz telling him the news.

_**They r coming!**_

_**-Bella**_

_**Who?**_

_**-jazzy boy**_

_**You really kept the jazzy boy thing I put on ur fone?**_

_**And zeke and Angela!**_

_**-Bella**_

_**I liked it lol**_

_**And that's kool gtg dads bitchin bout military school again (:**_

_**-jazzy boy.**_

Sleeping that night was a breeze. I was so excited to be seeing my friends. Now I could have the best senior year ever.

I was standing in the air port smiling like an idiot waiting to see Zeke and Angela when I was tackled to the ground. When I saw the black and purple hair I knew who it was. And I hugged back and started to cry a little.

"Girls are so emotional." Zeke faked annoyance.

I ran to him and hugged him and was almost sobbing. Ill never tell the others but…I was closest to Zeke. He knew me better than I did myself. I buried my face in his neck and he just held me to him telling me he was here now, we were going to figure this out. Everything was going to be ok. He promises.

When we came to the house Charlie came out made a point of taking Zeke's bags to the basement where the den was. Angela and I decided that we would throw in another dresser and split the closest in have add her desk and we would just share the bed since it was so big.

"Really babe I love this room." She said to me as we were laying down in my bed.

When I knew both she and my dad were asleep I snuck my way to the basement almost falling on the last step…on both sets of stairs. The light next to Zeke's bed was on and he was reading a book. Wordlessly he pulled the covers back and I climbed in next to him. I used to sneak to his house sometimes when I would be upset and he would hold me and sing to me as I fell asleep.

"I just don't know how to help him. He won't tell me what's really going on. I'm so worried Zeke." Sobs racked my body as I snuggled closer to him. He held me tighter and told me to let him worry about it said I was going to be ok.

"I'm not worried about me Zeke, I'm worried about Jayson." I said quietly.

"I know baby but we will figure it out." I nodded into his chest.

"You Are My Sunshine  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away

His voice was soft as he sang to me

The other nite, dear,  
As I lay sleeping  
I dreamed I held you in my arms.  
When I awoke, dear,  
I was mistaken  
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away.

His voice had some emotion I could not decipher in it.

I'll always love you  
And make you happy  
If you will only say the same  
But if you leave me  
To love another  
You'll regret it all some day;

It sounded like he was ready to cry.

You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I wanted to look up at his face.

You told me once, dear  
You really loved me  
And no one else could come between  
But now you've left me  
And love another  
You have shattered all my dreams;

There was a note of hop in his voice.

You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Louisiana my Louisiana  
the place where I was borne.  
White fields of cotton  
- green fields clover,  
the best fishing  
and long tall corn;

You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away.  
Crawfish gumbo and jambalaya  
the biggest shrimp and sugar cane,  
the finest oysters  
and sweet strawberries  
from Toledo Bend to New Orleans;

I wish I could look into his eyes at that moment.

You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine.  
You make me happy  
When skies are grey.  
You'll never know, dear,  
How much I love you.  
Please don't take my sunshine away."

Finally I did just that and looked up at him. Our eyes locked. He said nothing and neither did I. We stayed there him holding me, me gripping the front of his shirt eyes locked till he finally spoke.

"You need to sleep we have school tomorrow baby girl." I nodded and smiled as he tucked the blankets around me more tightly. I quickly fell fast asleep.

Zeke woke me up early so Charlie wouldn't know I had slept there. I walked up stairs and made eggs bacon and pancakes with cut up fruit before I so graciously woke everyone up.

"OI! WAKE UP THERES FOOD!" Charlie and Angela slowly rolled down the stairs with sleep still in their eyes.

"Thanks for the food bells." He smiled as I handed him a cup of coffee. And if Angela had the energy she would have tackled me in thanks. She was not a morning person.

Zeke smiled and took his food and coffee. I sat next to him and breakfast was pretty quiet no one really awake enough to start a conversation.

Angela decided after school I was getting a cut and color. She told me to wear normal skinnies and a red "Framing Hanley" tee shirt with red low tops. Make-up was normal she wore the same but with purple. When we walked down I busted out laughing Zeke was wearing the same but black.

I turned to Angela. "Let me guess Jayson is in green?" I asked she blushed and nodded.

We picked up Jayson and he laughed at what Angela had managed to do to us. Next thing you know we will be wearing jerseys with each others last names on them…again.

Arriving at school was a blast. We made a big show of getting out of the car. We laughed joked and pretended to be back in our town. Well this was ours now. We would rule it and with my new friends…what could go wrong?


	7. Chapter 7

Zeke POV

"BELLA!" some blonde guy ran up to Bella and picked her up and spun her around. Her little twinkling laugh sounded from her. Who the hell was this fucker?

"Jasper! Put me down." She giggled again.

"Well fine then Ma'am." I saw Angela swoon as she would call it out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh Jazz come meet my favorite people ever!" she smiled as she led him over to us. She and Angela shared a look that said something along the lines of…."hot damn".

Bella introduced us all and when I shook Jasper's hand he and I both looked at one another immediately hating the other. Naturally Bella noticed that girl was too perceptive for my own damned good.

We headed off to our class…oh how excited I was to find that pretty boy had 1st hour with us. I held Bella's hand the whole way to class giving pretty boy dirty looks whenever Bella wouldn't notice.

Bella POV

Really boys were so dumb. What was it with them and this whole need to be like alpha male or something? Honestly what was it with Zeke and his annoying need to be overly territorial of me? It's not like I was his. Unless well he wishes I was….oh Bella like that would ever happen. Sigh.

_Don't give my friend dirty looks_

_-Bella_

_How the hell did you notice?_

_-Z_

_I'm Jesus_

_-Bella_

Zeke gave me a look that said he was totally innocent…I gave him a look that meant I know that was bullshit. After that we paid pretty close attention to class. Well besides that Zeke and Jasper wouldn't stop glaring at one another. Angela would be able to figure it out. She seemed to know how boys worked.

_Why would 2 boyz glare at each other when they don't know each other?_

_-Bella_

_Who r the boyz?_

_-A_

_Z and Jasper_

_-Bella_

_Lmao if you don't know im not tellin ;)_

_-Angela_

I glared at my phone and the bell rang. I then looked at my guy friends.

"Till you guys start getting along I'm not talking to either of you." They look surprised like they had been so stealthy about the glares and other dirty looks. Idiots.

When I saw Jacob in the hall and stopped him. "Want to skip with me for a bit?" he nodded and I told Angela to meet me by the baseball field.

20 minutes later I was smiling like a fool and Angela and Jake were starring deeply into each other's eyes like it was some movie. Like something no could understand was pulling them together. Really in all my life I have never seen Angela look like this. Usually she jumped from guy to guy.

"You did good Bells." Jayson stood next to me and we smiled at the couple.

"That was bloody quick" Zeke said from my other side.

"See you at lunch Jayson." I then walked away sticking to what I said and ignoring Zeke and Jasper when I had passed him.

"Dude what's that about?" Jayson asked.

"Me and pretty boy aren't being best buds and she doesn't like it.

"And why aren't you?" Jayson asked almost seeming rhetorical.

"You know exactly why. Now lets talk about why I'm scared to give my best guy friend a hug because I don't want to hurt him. What the hell is happening?" I couldn't hear anything after that I was too far away.

Zeke POV

"I would tell you but I know you can't resist telling Bella and she can't know. Not yet at least. Angela either.

"I…It will kill me but I won't tell them if it means I can help you even a little." Jayson knew I was telling the truth and we went and leaned on Bella's car. Being very careful.

"He hits me." He stated. My mind immediately went to Emmett. Bella had told me they had a little thing. He was a big guy but I would kick his ass for hurting my friend.

"I'll Kick Emmett's ass dude." My rage was showing.

"Why. He isn't the one doing it. Zeke….it's my….dad." my mind went blank. What?

"But he's your dad…I don't understand." My voice shook a little. No wonder no matter how much Bella said don't leave the house he still got hurt. He was getting it at home.

"He says I'm unnatural for liking men. That it is like spitting in God's face. Says I need to be punished. When he…he first found out….he…oh god it was awful Zeke." A tear or two rand down my friends face. I knew if I said something he would stop so I just stood there waiting for him to calm down.

"He…he made met-t-t-otally undress and he whipped me with…his belt. God it hurt so much. After that it just got worse. Every night. When I started going to Bella's I hated myself for putting that heart breaking sadness on her face. I just kept thinking how much you would hate that look. How you wouldn't go to her like I did just so she wouldn't get sad. But…I just didn't know where to go. Please don't hate me!" he was practically sobbing I got him to sit in Bella's car and started talking.

"I wouldn't be strong enough to have made myself go to Bella. You did, and I'm happy about it. It will be ok. I mean honestly Bella's dad is police chief, we can do this. You have no attachment to this man." I sat next to him letting it get through his system. I would help him get through this no matter what.

"You are right Zee. Just…I can't do it yet. I mean he is my father." I nodded and absently looked out the window.

Eventually we went back to class. Just in time for our class with everyone. It was a fun 6th hour. Alice flipped when she noticed we matched then pouted because she wasn't in on it. We told her we did it every Wednesday and next time she could be in on it.

Bella POV

"Hey are you guys getting a ride or staying for my baseball practice?" Angela looked at me a little shocked. Apparently no one had told her I was playing again.

"Oh Bella I have never seen you play! I'm staying." It was true. She was the only one in my group that didn't. She and I didn't become really close till after…well till after that night.

"I'll stay too." Everyone else said.

Practice was amazing. It felt so good to be playing again. Though at the end of practice I sat down on the field and a tear slid down my face. I looked at my friends and Jasper made a move towards me but Zeke shook his head. He knew exactly what I needed. I would need my friends in a minute but for now I needed to get this out.

Eventually I stood back up and walked over to my friends smile in place.

"Bella…what's wrong?" Emmett asked first hugging me.

"Baseball is…was…me and my brothers…thing…I don't know how to explain it." He just looked at me funny along with Alice and Jasper did too.

"My brother died two years ago…whats the date?" I asked. Alice replied with _**(I realy cant think of the timing so im just guessing here) (it probably wont add up but whatever)**___October 27th.

"He died exactly 1 year and 11 months ago." I looked off in space.

"Emmett could you give these guys a ride home. I have some where I need to go. It is long overdue. It needs to be done and I can't put it off any more." Everyone nodded looking at me curiously.

"Ill be home later, tell Charlie I'm fine if I don't beat him home." With that I went to the locker room showered and changed.

When I came back out everyone was gone. Zeke left a note on my car.

_We love you._

I made my way to Forks cemetery. I made my way down the isles and isles of granite headstones. The remains and markers of a life that once was. When I got to the spot I had been dreading coming most since Alex's funeral I almost fell apart. I needed to stay strong. I sat in from of the grave stone and stared at the stone.

_Loving brother and son_

_You never know how long you have, so live the moment like its your last._

It read. How I had managed to get my parents to allow me to put that on there I have no clue. It is what Alex always said to me. I sat there just staring at it thinking of the irony. If he hadn't protected me he would still be here.

"I miss you so much. It has been so hard. The thought of how horrified your face was that night you found me….it…well it is the only thing keeping me from going back to all that. I mean I still drink but not to the point of illness. Just like normal teen stuff." I was justifying but I knew he would understand.

"I have been so lost without my big brother. You always knew what I needed. Always knew what to say to me to make it all better. I miss that. I miss how you made everything seem better. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You were such a good person, I should have died. That would have been right. You had such a good life, and I had wasted most of mine. But well maybe that's why I lived because I wasn't having a good life. You enjoyed every bit of yours. Having no regrets." My voice was barely audible.

I couldn't stop it from coming. The memory took my body over. Making me go numb. Forcing more tears and sobs to come from me.

_Flashback_

_Alex and I had been hanging out watching movies. Phil and Renee would be back from their trip later this evening. We were laughing and throwing pop corn at each other when we heard the man._

"_Don't move or I will shoot." He said. I will never forget that face. A scar on his lip and dull gray blood shot eyes._

"_The money is in the jewelry box along with all the jewelry and watches and valuable we have." Alex was trying to stay calm. The man nodded ad said for us to go up the stairs with his voice that sounded like gravel had been shoved down his throat._

_We gave him everything and then….then he tried to make me go into the other room. Saying to Alex that if he tries anything I was dead. So Alex couldn't do a thing as the man locked the door and…and did awful things to me. Leaving a cut mark just deep enough to scar when he was done._

"_To remember me by" he said with a sadistic smile._

_When we were back into the living room I dove for the phone when he wasn't looking and he aimed the gun. Alex jumped in the way before it could get to me when he hit the floor the man looking horrified and ran out the door._

_I bent over Alex and called 9-1-1. I was screaming and crying telling them to hurry, hurry please. When they did get there they carted us both off to the hospital. I refused care and stayed by Alex the whole managed to wake up for a measly second and say_

"_I love you so it was worth it." Then the line went flat and I screamed and fell to the floor crying and yelling and throwing a fit like a small child would._

_End flashback_

I was caked in mud. It was covering me. I was curled up on the ground weeping and shaking from the cold. My throat was raw.

"I love you to big brother. I'm sorry it took so long to come back." My voice cracked and was barely above a whisper

I managed to stumble my way back to my car and get in. I took a minute to gather myself enough to drive. I barely made it home. When I stumbled into the door I almost fell over from peer exhaustion. Everyone was immediately surrounding me asking questions and I just couldn't bring myself to care. I just walked passed them pulling my muddy shirt and shoes off not caring my dad was there.

I managed to turn the shower on. I rinsed the mud off then started a bath for myself. I filled it with bubbles and settled my sore self in to it. I listened to music and refilled the bath when it got cold. Eventually Alice and Angela busted the door down. I had a feeling the only reason Zeke wasn't in here was because my dad was home.

"Zeke bring me her meds." Angela said just loud enough for him to hear through the cracked door. He handed her the bottle and some Pepsi my favorite.

"Bella take them. Now. Don't argue." For a long time I refused to take them but I always gave into Angela eventually.

"I want them I wasn't going to argue." I took the pills and sunk a little lower in my tub.

"Where did you go Bella?" Angela asked Alice just sitting there not really sure what's happening but worried about me.

"If you all don't already know then you're stupider than I thought. She went the same place I did before work. Alex's grave. Today was his birthday." Charlie surprised everyone by saying this. He wasn't one to talk much.

"Oh god Bella we should have known. We should have been there." Zeke said from the other side of the door.

"I needed to do this alone. Can someone bring me some pj's?" Alice stood and went to my room bring back a t-shirt and some sweats.

"I need to change…out." I said they all looked at me then nodded slowly.

I managed to change my clothes and brush my hair out. I was sore and in all kinds of pain. When I looked at my phone I noticed the voice mail signal that never went away. It was one I saved on my phone because it was the happy birthday message I got from Alex…the last one I got. I only listened to it on my birthday. It always made me smile.

When I walked into my room everyone looked at me. I smiled and shrugged grabbing Alex's hoodie from my closet nodded and walked out the door and into my dad's room. Renee had been sad when Alex died don't get me wrong but Charlie and I…we had been particularly close to him. So on this day I climbed into my dad's bed with him. He gave me and awkward hug and a tear slid down is face. And then I cuddled closer to him and let the sleeping pills and anti-depressants take a hold of me.

When I awoke the next morning there was a note on my dad's pillow.

_I had to go to work…keep my mind busy and all_

_Sleep in, skip if you want_

I looked at the clock it read 11:34 a.m. I managed to get my stiff body into the shower and wash away the remaining dirt. The hot water felt nice on my skin. When I got out I went on a cleaning and cooking rampage. When everyone rolled in around 6- I was assuming they wanted to give me space- I smiled at their shocked expressions. I may have went a little over board. I made just about everything. Charlie walked in looked at the food then called Billy and the Cullen's and Clearwaters over.

The house was packed. Jacob brought some of his friends from the rez and we and a party. It was Friday. Charlie even let the older kids have a beer or two. We had a blast. When everyone left and settled down I was beat. We all went to bed and got ready to face the next day.

_**Pretty please review!**_


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